I have spent roughly four years in America and have learnt a lot of things (besides how to ‘economically’ use toilet paper, how to drive on the ‘wrong side’ of the road and how to survive on top ramen noodles for breakfast, lunch and dinner!). I have also learnt that though very convenient and tasty taco bell food causes problems the next morning, that clothes can be worn again and again even after a sweaty day spent waiting for the shuttle outside the engineering building in the sun. Empty half a bottle of deodorant on them! Consequently I also learnt that the mixture of sweat and deodorant causes dogs in the colony to look at you with this strange look in their eye, you know, the confused look where they don’t know whether to bite you or be afraid of getting some deadly disease from you!
I also learnt how to stop the smoke alarm in my house from going off when I’m cooking. I stopped cooking! Seriously though, I don’t think anybody took Indian cooking into account when they designed the smoke alarm. We generate so much noise and smoke that the nearby steel mill complained to the Pollution Control Board!
I also learnt that ‘funding’ and ‘assistantship’ are as elusive as Osama-Bin-Laden! Its easier to get Saddam Hussein to hand over his ‘weapons of mass destruction’ than to get one of the prof’s to give you an assistantship!
Here are some other things I have noticed;
-The sprinklers are always left on, even when there is a thunderstorm in progress!
-Half a liter of water costs as much as 4 liters of gasoline!
-You can buy fruits and vegetables only by the pound and milk only by the gallons! Also notice the size of the vegetables and fruits. Each potato is enough to feed a small family of five. Cut into an onion and you’ll cry like you just lost a best friend.
-All clothes are extra large, extra-extra large or just plain old gigantic! I have to shop in the kid’s section to get clothes my size!
-I bought a milkshake the other day and donated it to the ‘feed the poor’ program. A third world country is still surviving on that one milkshake!
I also learnt that you should never leave cooked food out in the open for too long unless you want to start your own biological experiment in the kitchen. I saw pink fungus for the first time the other day! Who said Biology was boring? I also learnt that the smell of spoilt food is the only thing that can mask the smell of my dirty socks!
I also learnt the words of wisdom. Two powerful words, innocuous yet omnipotent. Two words that have held me in good stead over the past year. Words capable of bringing people from different races, ages, colors and nations together and unite them as one under its common banner.
“Waz’ up!”
Use these two words to travel the length and breadth of America. Forget the local customs and language. These two words can loosen the most closed-mouthed Xenophobic local’s lips!
I also learnt how to stop the smoke alarm in my house from going off when I’m cooking. I stopped cooking! Seriously though, I don’t think anybody took Indian cooking into account when they designed the smoke alarm. We generate so much noise and smoke that the nearby steel mill complained to the Pollution Control Board!
I also learnt that ‘funding’ and ‘assistantship’ are as elusive as Osama-Bin-Laden! Its easier to get Saddam Hussein to hand over his ‘weapons of mass destruction’ than to get one of the prof’s to give you an assistantship!
Here are some other things I have noticed;
-The sprinklers are always left on, even when there is a thunderstorm in progress!
-Half a liter of water costs as much as 4 liters of gasoline!
-You can buy fruits and vegetables only by the pound and milk only by the gallons! Also notice the size of the vegetables and fruits. Each potato is enough to feed a small family of five. Cut into an onion and you’ll cry like you just lost a best friend.
-All clothes are extra large, extra-extra large or just plain old gigantic! I have to shop in the kid’s section to get clothes my size!
-I bought a milkshake the other day and donated it to the ‘feed the poor’ program. A third world country is still surviving on that one milkshake!
I also learnt that you should never leave cooked food out in the open for too long unless you want to start your own biological experiment in the kitchen. I saw pink fungus for the first time the other day! Who said Biology was boring? I also learnt that the smell of spoilt food is the only thing that can mask the smell of my dirty socks!
I also learnt the words of wisdom. Two powerful words, innocuous yet omnipotent. Two words that have held me in good stead over the past year. Words capable of bringing people from different races, ages, colors and nations together and unite them as one under its common banner.
“Waz’ up!”
Use these two words to travel the length and breadth of America. Forget the local customs and language. These two words can loosen the most closed-mouthed Xenophobic local’s lips!
Above all I learnt the importance of one’s family. All the small things that you took for granted back home take on a whole new dimension of importance. The way your father coughed, your mother doing her puja early in the morning, your brother waking you early in the morning by bouncing the tennis ball on the wall. Your sister singing along with a popular film song, totally out of tune. The small things over which you fought over seem so trivial now. Brother’s, sisters, mother’s and father’s left behind at home,17000 miles away, bring back bitter sweet memories. What you would give to have hot, home cooked food ready on the table. Clean clothes whenever you need them. Somebody to fuss over you. I learnt that every moment you spend on this earth is precious. Cherish it. Don’t worry about tomorrow. Make the most of today.
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