Sunday, August 31, 2008
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Sleepless in Rockcity
Five months of bus rides to and from work has confirmed the following: Everyone sleeps on the bus. Everyone. Only in their sleep patterns we find differentiation. There are three kinds on the bus. You’v got the Zen masters, the bobble-heads and last but not least you have spit-face. Zen masters are weird. They are neither asleep nor fully awake. They have their eyes closed yet manage to sit still as the bus jumps and jolts everyone else around. Then there are the Bobble-heads. These are the guys who have their eyes closed and their heads keep dropping onto their chest. Just when you think they are lights-out they jerk back up to an upright position and repeat the entire procedure again. And then come the spit faces. I envy these guys for they possess the unearthly super power to sleep like no human has ever slept before. From the time they get onto the bus they hit a snooze button and bam! They are of to la-la land. Its very easy to find these guys in the bus. They are the ones hanging half in and half out of their seat or generally smothering their unfortunate neighbor while maintaining a constant stream of spittle from their half open mouths. They will not wake up till the bus has reached the office and that too only if half a dozen of their colleagues dance the flamenco on their heads.
Its also funny the way seating in the bus has so naturally arranged itself. Zen masters always sit next to zen masters. Bobble-heads usually next to other bobbles but some unfortunate ones can get stuck next to a spit face. They never repeat the mistake. Spit faces predominantly sit next to each other. Oblivious to the spittle bath that they shower on each other, these somnolent beings find comfort in their shared inability to maintain consciousness in a moving vehicle. They cluster together like fungus. They also believe in more the merrier. You will always find them in the three-seater benches, never in the two seater, which is usually reserved for the groups of zen’s and bobbles. The other day I saw an incredible sight, what I believe to be the next Olympic sport: Synchronized sleeping! Like trained athletes three spit faces sitting next to each other, all with their heads lolling on their chests, with the same quantity of spittle in the corner of their mouths, jerking this way and that way with the swaying of the bus in perfect unison. Not even trained athletes could muster up such perfection. These unconscious beings swaying to some unheard universal melody; their body, soul and spittle tied together in an ethereal cosmic dance.
Wherever groups of humans get together patterns start to emerge. Are there any other patterns you readers have observed? In different situations maybe? In different circumstances? Do share. Im eager to know. You can say Im drooling for information!
Its also funny the way seating in the bus has so naturally arranged itself. Zen masters always sit next to zen masters. Bobble-heads usually next to other bobbles but some unfortunate ones can get stuck next to a spit face. They never repeat the mistake. Spit faces predominantly sit next to each other. Oblivious to the spittle bath that they shower on each other, these somnolent beings find comfort in their shared inability to maintain consciousness in a moving vehicle. They cluster together like fungus. They also believe in more the merrier. You will always find them in the three-seater benches, never in the two seater, which is usually reserved for the groups of zen’s and bobbles. The other day I saw an incredible sight, what I believe to be the next Olympic sport: Synchronized sleeping! Like trained athletes three spit faces sitting next to each other, all with their heads lolling on their chests, with the same quantity of spittle in the corner of their mouths, jerking this way and that way with the swaying of the bus in perfect unison. Not even trained athletes could muster up such perfection. These unconscious beings swaying to some unheard universal melody; their body, soul and spittle tied together in an ethereal cosmic dance.
Wherever groups of humans get together patterns start to emerge. Are there any other patterns you readers have observed? In different situations maybe? In different circumstances? Do share. Im eager to know. You can say Im drooling for information!
Friday, August 8, 2008
Friday, August 1, 2008
Chapter 8
“Dei Congratulations!”
“Whats with all the marriage fever in our batch? Anyway, congrats!”
“Who is the lucky girl?”
“Are you crazy??!!!”
Some of the messages on my facebook account. All because I changed the status on my page to seven simple letters, “Engaged”. I am sure there will be more to come and most will be real colourful. Will post some more of these as and when I get them. I thank my friends for taking a little time from their lives either to congratulate me or pass on their condolences!! That last comment was by one of my friends whose idea of a monogamous relationship is one woman only…every week. The last I heard of him he was fleeing from three angry ex’s, taking a trip to deepest darkest Africa. Wonder if he’ll have access to Facebook there?
So If you are wondering why my blog has remained untouched over the past two months ask my mobile service provider. I happen to be their single largest customer, helping them stay afloat in these lean times. My bills are astronomical as are my head, heart and soul (oh…so mushy!). Telephone conversations with this someone special is consuming all my free time and spare minutes are spent with my ears glued to the cell-phone, milking every last drop of juice from the batteries to get another sentence in. She calls herself my “phone-friend”. I call her, “The reason why Airtel has given me a credit line of ten thousand rupees”. I got a call from the customer service rep requesting me to prolong my engagement till the end of the fiscal year as they still had some bad debt to clear!
A twinkle in her eye, one watermelon juice, and a swish of her skirt and she had me hook line and sinker. Or should I say, “Cellphone, charger and Bluetooth!”
My special “phone friend”.
“Whats with all the marriage fever in our batch? Anyway, congrats!”
“Who is the lucky girl?”
“Are you crazy??!!!”
Some of the messages on my facebook account. All because I changed the status on my page to seven simple letters, “Engaged”. I am sure there will be more to come and most will be real colourful. Will post some more of these as and when I get them. I thank my friends for taking a little time from their lives either to congratulate me or pass on their condolences!! That last comment was by one of my friends whose idea of a monogamous relationship is one woman only…every week. The last I heard of him he was fleeing from three angry ex’s, taking a trip to deepest darkest Africa. Wonder if he’ll have access to Facebook there?
So If you are wondering why my blog has remained untouched over the past two months ask my mobile service provider. I happen to be their single largest customer, helping them stay afloat in these lean times. My bills are astronomical as are my head, heart and soul (oh…so mushy!). Telephone conversations with this someone special is consuming all my free time and spare minutes are spent with my ears glued to the cell-phone, milking every last drop of juice from the batteries to get another sentence in. She calls herself my “phone-friend”. I call her, “The reason why Airtel has given me a credit line of ten thousand rupees”. I got a call from the customer service rep requesting me to prolong my engagement till the end of the fiscal year as they still had some bad debt to clear!
A twinkle in her eye, one watermelon juice, and a swish of her skirt and she had me hook line and sinker. Or should I say, “Cellphone, charger and Bluetooth!”
My special “phone friend”.
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